The boss is coming. Look busy. Workplace slackers have a few tricks up their sleeves...
There’s an art to slacking off in the workplace. To do so and not be fired, one must put up an appearance of actual work. Here’s how.
Clean common areas. Tidying up the office supply corner can be as easy as making sure all the pencils sit on the same shelf. Tackle this task unprompted to impress your superiors. The possibility that you spent the entire morning surfing Craigslist won’t occur to them, because there is physical evidence that you have been working very hard.
Five words: can I get you anything? If you want to ditch the fluorescent lights for a cream cheese brownie, make like you’re doing a Starbucks run and ask a few key people if they’d like anything. If you ask mid-morning, when most people already have coffee, they’ll likely say no, but you can still take off for 20 minutes while looking like a hero.
Keep a work-related document on your screen. Do all internet surfing or online chatting in smaller windows, and be prepared to minimize when the boss comes by. (Use Alt + Tab to toggle between screens—less obvious than frantic mouse-clicking.)
Scatter papers. A messy desk indicates that you’re swamped, so people will assume the concentrated look on your face is work, not you desperately trying to outbid someone on eBay.
Have a question handy. When your boss passes your desk, make a point to ask a work-related question. This will give the impression that you’re tackling the task at that moment. It also might make him/her avoid you, giving you more space to slack.
Turn in assignments early (but not too early). Getting your work in when it’s expected will show your efficiency, and no one would dream of accusing you of wasting time. If you’re always late, they’ll wonder what’s taking you so long and investigate. However, turning in assignments too early can appear as if you don’t have enough keeping you busy. So just at the buzzer is fine.
Carry a FedEx box. They assume you’re headed for Mailboxes, Etc., not that great shoe sale at Nordstrom Rack.
Non-work-related phone calls: avoid them. You’re not fooling anyone.
As some skeptics are probably thinking right now, if you’re making such an effort to hide a little slacking, why not spend your energy actually doing, you know, work. I have a special name for people like that: brown-nosers. Lighten up. No wonder no one invites you to Murphy’s for a pint after work.
Happy slacking!
