Bullying at work can get out of hand if it's not dealt with seriously.
You may think the days of bullying ended when you graduated junior high. Unfortunately, many aggressive individuals carry bullying behavior into adulthood--and the workplace.
This is a misunderstood problem. Human resources departments sometimes sweep away complaints of office bullying, declaring that the individuals under conflict should simply “work it out.” However, bullies don’t operate that way, or else they wouldn’t choose intimidation, ridicule, and psychological (and occasionally physical) abuse to get ahead.
What is Office Bullying? Bullying in the workplace is used to intimidate and control another individual. It can be as subtle as back-stabbing or as blatant as physical violence. Examples include: being given impossible or unreasonable workloads, being the target of gossip or rumors, being left “out of the loop” in regards to important work-related information, being ridiculed regularly in front of others, having your work excessively monitored, and feeling as if your job is constantly in jeopardy.
Who is the bully? The office bully is highly competitive, even in areas where competition isn’t necessary, such as in a boss/subordinate relationship. They are socially awkward, not always understanding the effect of their behavior on the target. Because of this, it is often difficult to reason with a bully, and they will play the victim if confronted. The bully is equally likely to be male or female.
Who is the target? It differs from schoolyard bullying in that the target in the workplace is generally someone who excels and is a threat to the bully. Over 65% of the time the target is a female. They avoid confrontation and choose to stay silent about the bullying rather than be considered a whiner. They feel isolated and blame themselves. They lose sleep and the ability to concentrate, resulting in diminishing job performance. They become depressed, stressed, and occasionally suicidal.
What to do if you are the target of a bully. Dealing with a bully in the workplace is difficult, because the normal rules of conflict resolution do not apply. The bully will lie and paint himself the victim to avoid reprimand, and the behavior will likely escalate as a result. If the bully is your boss, you may fear losing your job. And often, the complaints are a series of small gripes that, on paper, may not seem like a big deal. Still, you must report the behavior.
Be specific. Compile a list of incidents and when they occurred. If possible, find co-workers to corroborate your story. It is much easier to address a specific event, such as “yesterday in the parking lot, he aimed his car straight toward me so I had to duck for cover” rather than a general complaint of “he’s mean to me all the time.” Save e-mails and voice mails that are snide or threatening.
Leave emotion out of it. You lose credibility if your complaint is fraught with emotion. Make a point to address your concerns at a time when you are feeling calm--not immediately after an incident that causes you to react emotionally.
Make it relevant to work. Your employer is much more likely to deal with the issue if you illustrate how it is affecting productivity. Emphasize your credibility with the company (such as your ability to get along with everyone else, past achievements, and a willingness to see other points of view). Research your company’s anti-harassment policy, and indicate precisely which points have been violated.
Confront the bully. Often, standing up for yourself is all the bully needs to move on to another, easier target. Beware that this isn’t always the case, and the bully may double their efforts. However, if you have reached a point where you can no longer take their bullying, you have nothing to lose by standing up for yourself. If anything, this will make it even more clear to the managers or HR that the bully’s behavior is truly out-of-hand.
This does not have to be an official march-down-the-hall-to-their-office confrontation. Next time the bully pawns off a project on you, look them in the eye and say, “This isn’t my job.” Don’t grow passive-aggressive or make up excuses--that will just give them an opportunity to make you look bad. Be direct about what you will no longer stand for, and why. This makes it harder for the bully to twist it to suit their needs, and makes them realize they will continue to have a real battle with you if the bullying continues.
None of this guarantees a bully off your back, but at least you’ll feel better about yourself for fighting back, and luckily legislation preventing office bullying is in the works, so there will be legal recourse to force managers to see it as a legitimate problem.
